k_sereinroom | Reading

What we take into our own hands can be so immense and is often greater than and outside our awareness – or even our doing. The hands of others play deeply into our lives and even if you’ve done everything right, it certainly isn’t healthy to repeatedly punch yourself for every inequity.

* * *

"Then away out in the woods I heard that kind of a sound that a ghost makes when it wants to tell about something that’s on its mind and can’t make itself understood, and so can’t rest easy in its grave, and has to go about that way every night grieving."

From: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain

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summersgate

Marsh on a Foggy Day. Today is a misty, rainy day.

Trying to keep busy with "important" things like sweeping, cleaning, sprucing stuff up. Though I keep veering off into stuff like painting, piano and netflix. I say, whatever! The house will be what it will be. All the family is used to me keeping a dusty cluttered house and if they don't like it they can host at their house next year! I have to say that to bolster myself up to accept that in no way can I get this house to look like a house in a magazine anyway so don't worry about it. Just try to improve it a bit and whatever I get done will be okay. I got the small box of Christmassy stuff down and found some crocheted snowflakes to put here and there. Also found the Nativity scene so I put that out too. It's very small. I covered over the front of the big shelves that I didn't want to dust with a shiny green holiday cloth. That takes care of that.

This is garbage night. Putting the chickens to bed and then taking that out is next up.

smokingboot

Happy Birthday Dad X

katriona_s

This morinng it's cold! They said the temperature was about 3°C early in the morning. Then there came the sun still the air is very cold. I came to the office, though today I have felt tired and sluggish for hours, could not do my job properly :( I feel like I was getting a cold. I was sitting at my desk but literally just looking at the computer... I was not sleeping but thinking nothing, spacing out. I don't like this, this is just waste of the precious time! I just wanted to go to bed and sleep... X(

summersgate

Bubble Confusion. Just one of those kinds of pictures where I needed to get something quick done at the end of the day so I can go to bed and feel like I've fulfilled my art-a-day mission.

11 pm now. I did get some useful stuff done today. Cleared away a big build up of mail and other clutter off the one living room table, folded and put away 4 baskets of clothes, finished up the weaving part of Rowan's blanket and put that away for now - I'll piece the blanket squares together later. Took a long nap. Tomorrow I need to deep clean, sweep and vacuum.

offcntr

We had our annual Pottery Smash on Sunday, before the Market opened. It's a charity auction to benefit Market's Kareng/Caring Fund, an emergency relief fund for artists in need. Four long tables of donations, mostly pottery, but also some glass, prayer flags, duck and beaver and frog flappy kids toys, canned albacore. We always bring a few completely unsalable pieces, for the joy of smashing. When the bidders starting getting drowsy, a little Crash! wakes 'em right up. And then there's the vendor who bids on pots specifically to break them. When Nome is bidding against someone, it tends to run up the price.

I took last year off from auctioneering, didn't have the energy, so they recruited Kevin, the partner of one of the clothing artists, who brings a lot of manic energy to the mix. Potter Jon and I were both back this year, though Alex was just recovering from a hospital trip, so Fiona did his shifts. Between the four of us, we managed to clear the tables with two minutes to go before opening. Just time to sweep up the shards and tally the sales--over $5000.

offcntr

A mom and eight or nine-year-old daughter stopped in my booth Sunday, asking if I had a yarn bowl for grandma? I had exactly one, in the bottom box of the stack. I don't usually put them out until I've run out of something else--there isn't room--but I do like to have them. As I'm digging it out, I ask, Can you guess what animal is on it? Daughter has no guess, but Mom says Cat! With a ta-daa! I show that it is indeed a cat, tuxedo kitty leaping at the yarn hole. They're both delighted, but Dad has the card, so Mom has to track him down. Does daughter want to come with? No, she'll stay in the booth, holding the bowl.

So we talk a bit. Her name is Clara, and she makes art too. Drawings, mostly, though she'd recently started playing with watercolors, so I show her our watercolor cards. Her Grandma is an artist too, and gets her whatever art supplies she wants to try next; they're doing watercolors together. And this past summer, she and a friend set up an art sale table on their front lawn, and made $20! Which they split evenly. I tell her I'd love to see her art someday; she says maybe she'll get a booth here next year! In the meantime, I suggested she take a few pictures and email them to me, to which she agrees.

If she follows through, I'll definitely share them here.

offcntr

I sold a tyrannosaurus bank to a paleontologist on Saturday.

Best. Day. Ever.

offcntr

I love the fact that, in the darkest days of the year, camellia bushes say, F**k this. We're gonna bloom!

Love you guys.

offcntr

I've always complained about how long my poticas take to rise. Four, five hours, sitting on a heating pad, or in a post-firing warm studio; my house doesn't feel that cold!

Finally, this time, I remembered reading in James Beard's Beard on Bread where he recommends using a tablespoon of instant yeast rather than the 2-1/4 teaspoons that come in the standard packet. Since this is a half-recipe of the dough, I bumped my yeast from 1-1/8 tsp. up to 1-1/2--half a tablespoon.

It worked! Dough was visibly puffy in half an hour, nicely risen by hour two. I've gone ahead and updated the potica recipe at my website to reflect the change.

summersgate

I took this last evening while we were walking down back. This is what I was kinda wanting to recreate in the painting I did yesterday. I was dissatisfied with the painting at the time because I failed at showing THIS. Which I think is beautiful in its way. But then I got sidetracked into putting other shapes and things in that weren't there - decorating it up. I feel drawn back and forth between doing something realistic (isn't that the BEST and most skilled painting?) or doing something psychological and weird. I admire people who can paint realistically immensely but the other kind of painting (painting for paint's sake) comes so much easier to me.

I was getting started in cleaning for the holiday and I needed to get the puppet off the living room table so I wrapped her up in her blanket and put it/her on my pillow. Rainy came in and was very curious. I watched them for a while and got this picture and then we both left. When I came back the doll was out of her blanket and was moved about a foot away from it on the bed. It had wet marks on it's tummy, from I assume Rainy. If Andy had moved it he would have taken it clear out to the living room to give it to Dave (retriever mentality). I thought Rainy must have gotten over her fear of it after that but when I put it on like a puppet and talked to her with it she was very scared again.

I've been putting off cleaning and readying the house to be at a "holiday level" of clean house so today I must finally get busy.

michaelboy

The parts of you, that echo in me
rest quietly in the curve of knowing
that whatever besets you becomes
an immaculate fold into my wonder

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summersgate

Solstice, or Something Wintery.

Jules and I went shopping this morning. The usual: Walmart and then G E. I was up in the middle of the night for a while so I was glad to have a nap in the afternoon. Got up from that and took the dogs for a walk to the creek before it got dark. The snow had a crust on it so Rainy didn't get any ice balls on her legs. She just floated over the surface. Even so, she just didn't seem very happy with the cold so we came home without going to the lake. Painted this dumb little picture and now here I am on LJ/DW.

katriona_s

My mimosa tree, which I have planted in our backyard some years ago, has overgrown, I have trimmed it several times in the past but it has again grown too much. And it had countless small flower buds - must be beautiful in coming spring. Though we (I and mother, especially my mother) worried its roots would also overgrow and destroy the concrete block wall, I gave up to wait for its bloom and asked the gardener to cut it. I have treasured the tree for years so it's not an easy decision :(

The overgrown mimosa tree next to the block wall.

Yesterday morning the gardener came to cut it. His work was quick and efficient, I enjoyed looking at his work in spite of my regret about the mimosa flowers.

He cut the branches to small pieces to load them onto the small truck. I asked him to leave one branch but it doesn't have flower buds so in the next spring I'll see no mimosa flowers :(

Do you see the stump and small branch grown from its foot? I'm not sure if I could keep the small tree (and it would soon grow!) but I will talk to the gardener how I can do with it. Sometimes I remember the countless small flower buds which would surely bloom wonderfully in Feb - but now never bloom - and feel sad, feel like I have killed beloved small animal...

But, before the gardener came, I cut some twigs from the tree and put them in flower vase. The flower buds are too small and no yellow colour still these twigs are beautiful, I think.

smokingboot

Wishing you well on the shortest day, the longest night. May you have magic, warmth when you need it, cold when you want it XX

Here is a poem. It turned up early this morning so I just dashed it down, probably needs editing but I don't think I will with this one. It's a love song.

https://substack.com/inbox/post/182221101?r=1r9jj7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true&triedRedirect=true

There's an earlier one that belongs before the solstice. This is for you when you are tired and cold.

https://substack.com/home/post/p-181889167

So far, winter's solstice gift to me has been a most peculiar occurrence.

Yesterday I went into the garage to switch the outdoor Christmas lights on. We have a double garage, with a wall down the middle and a door between the two parts. I went into the garage and to my astonishment, saw what seemed like a huge whiteboard, blocking all the space. I wondered if R had dragged a mattress in here somehow but why would he do that? It took a moment's recalibration to realise that I was looking at the wall. I was easily two feet closer to it than I realised.

I hadn't recognised it.

I move in and out of dream states a lot, but not like this. If I am awake, I know what I am seeing, and don't mistake one well known everyday object for another. Shaken, and suddenly dizzy and nauseous, I got out of the garage and back into the house. Everything was all right apart from the onset of dizziness and nausea. I have had disassociative fugues in my time, and they are dramatic, but these number something like 7 in my whole life, they began after the attack - so only since 2010 - and only occur in situations of extreme stress. The triggers are known, unusual and avoidable. This was nothing like. This was not recognising a wall, seeing it as a large white flat mass and wondering what the hell it was and what it was doing in my garage.

I had a very mild headache at the crown of my head. The dizziness and nausea stayed for about 20 minutes/half an hour. Then it all faded and I was OK, if puzzled. Dr Internet talked to me about AIWS, Alice In Wonderland Syndrome. This tickled me. I had an old friend, long gone, who used to call me Alice after the heroine of Lewis Carroll's books. But the experience didn't tickle me at all.

Just a glitch I guess.

summersgate

Face. Doesn't mean anything - just something that evolved like a doodle.

We went down to Pittsburgh to a birthday party for Dave's niece's little one year old, Bo this afternoon. I dread parties. But this time I acclimated pretty well once we got there. Thank goodness when we first came in the door we were greeted by Dave's siblings and their spouses who were sitting in the front dining room. There must have been at least 100 people there (barely any that I knew) but most of them were in the basement - a huge room. The birthday boy was a very sweet child and it was fun to watch his face while everyone was STARING at him constantly and smiling. He was so good natured. But how weird to have that happen to you - you are the CENTER of attention of all these people, many of them strangers and they are singing a song at you. They gave him a small cake to get his hands in. He wanted to touch the candle when they put it front of him and dad needed to pull the cake away quick. After he licked his fingers he wanted to feed some to his parents. A sweet boy.

I finished watching Touched By an Angel. Now I'm watching Stranger Things. My favorite thing to do right now: sit and watch something on my phone while weaving with the pin loom. I can do that ALL day and not want to do anything else. In the evening I've been making popcorn and drinking cider. I was reading about alcohol and aFib and found out that alcohol can definitely be a trigger. I did not know that before. Many nights before bed I'd have a little glass (about 2 ounces) of brandy to help me fall asleep. So that is a habit that I'm going to quit.

michaelboy

The first week of this month and this weekend were deer hunting gun season days here in Ohio. There are also deer archery hunting days that run for a few months in the fall and winter.

While I understand the right to hunt and understanding that this method is probably more humane than what transpires in most factory farms, it is still difficult for me.

Being a vegetarian for over five decades, I know that animals perish even in the fruit, vegetable and dairy industries, so I'm not completely separate from animal demise in the production of food.

During last year's hunting season, the buck who I called "Fuzz Head" and that was the son of "Star", perished. I haven't seen Star for a few weeks now and I'm afraid she is gone now too.

She bore four sets of beautiful fawns and I had grown quite attached to her. Yes, she was a wild animal but still... if she is gone, I am going to miss her and her pretty face a whole lot.

* * *

While many enjoy it, I just cannot find a way to like any of the music produced by The Trans Siberian Orchestra. It just seems so over-produced, synthetic, and migraine inducing. Maybe I'm just getting to be a cranky old man.

summersgate

Jan and I were going to go to Paint and Sip this afternoon but cancelled. It's snowing. Not like a blizzard or anything like that but it just doesn't look inviting to be out there driving. Windy.

The windbreak plastic that Dave and I put up around the northwest sides of the chicken run last night doesn't go clear to the top of the wall. I figured that not much snow would come in up high by the overhanging roof but I was wrong. There's still some snow coming in. I might cut some more plastic and fill in at the top.

The goldfinches are very busy at the feeder. A Flurry of Goldfinches. The proper name for a group is a Charm of Goldfinches.

It snowed about an inch today. Dave and I walked the dogs to the creek before it got dark. Most of the previous snow had melted with the recent rain so the creek was high, and the snow we got today wasn't too deep for Rainy.

Dave's pile of rocks that he's collecting to make a wall.

offcntr

A random selection.

katriona_s

This morning before 5am the nature call woke me up. I went to the toilet, back to my futon bed and slept again - then had a dream. In the dream I was going to leave some office I've visited in unfamiliar town, but there was no local bus nor taxi service going back to the train station. So I decided to walk to the station and asked for directions to the staff of the office. Her answer was quite unclear and useless, though I had my smartphone and iPad in my bag and thought "OK I'll check the way on Google Map". In real life I'm always clumsy about using the IT devices so naturally, in the dream my smartphone didn't work well and I got lost and just wandered around the narrow streets. There's nobody on the streets I could ask the direction, and I even was not sure which station I'd like to go to. I was totally lost and helpless... Then the alarm clock woke me up. Phew!

But, I thought... I feel like I have been always getting lost in my life like this dream. ... do not know the direction, can not understand the situation in which other people seem to feel comfortable, do not know how I can get the information to manage the situation, cannot find the people who would help me...

The reason I often do not know "how" might be that I am careless, and do not have much interest in other people and society. Since my childhood I have spent much time to indulge in fantasies. Now fully matured I don't fantasize much but my interest in other people or in society doesn't increase much XD And to me, who tend to lean on my own fantasy and abstract ideas, my house, my job, and my friends are kind of anchors which fasten me to the real world. With them, I can feel I belong to this world, not a complete outsider.

This year some of my longtime friends have passed away. I miss them - first, for the friendship, but also, for the sake of my own sense of reality...

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k_sereinroom

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The Serein Room

An Introspective Studio

Reading

Into

tuesday

(no subject)

I don’t feel well today…

monday later

Smashing success

The future of art

For science!

In bloom

An update

monday

Persistence

sunday

Good bye my mimosa

Winter Solstice

saturday

Random Ramble

friday

Things that are round

lost in this world

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December 2025

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